My communications with M have been brief. I feel so confused and sad. She really doesn't want that much to do with me right now at this point in her life....can i blame her? I always thought that a semi=open adoption was a good thing....creating less confusion...boy was i wrong! How do i go back to living without her? Is it possible?
Okay, here's the poem. This is the last thing I shared with M.
TWO WOMEN
Once there were two women
Who hardly knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call mother
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One becoming your guiding star
The other became your sun
The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live in it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it
One gave you nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim
One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears
The age old questions through the years;
Heredity or environment -
which are you the product of ?
Neither my darling - neither
Just two different kinds of love!
Friday, November 27, 2009
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Well it's cool that you got pictures. She's probably confused and that doesn't mean she doesn't want to know you more. It's really confusing to be an adoptee and have two moms, one that you really don't know at all. Often adoptees don't want to hurt their adoptive parents, which is why she wanted to contact you secretly. She porbably is thinking about you alot and for now, just know that that means something. You will get time to become closer soon.
ReplyDeleteI know it really hard, but she is still young and somehow you have to be patient still. Completely unfair after dealing with so much, but as with it all, we have little choice.
ReplyDeleteIt's so much to process.. though it hard.. I think slow and staedy is somtimes better than rushing in. Take the time to let it all sink in.. feel what you have to feel seperate from what she does.. so when you do interact with her.. you are at your best and can be what she needs too.
I know it sucks, I live it too.
I say it as much for me as you.
This must be a most difficult situation. I recently discovered that my own daughter doesn't even know she's adopted. If she contacted me, then backed off, I would be really confused.
ReplyDeleteAt this point, maybe reading some books about adoption, like Primal Wound, some Betty Jean Lifton books, etc. And also coming to terms with your own feelings.
I wish you the best!