Mtv's 16 & Pregnant : Reunion Show - Life After labor

MTV's 16 and Pregnant Reunion Show) - MTV Shows

My head is still reeling from watching and listening to all these young women. I never watched any of these episodes while they were on TV, just the snippets on the web.
This reunion show is interesting. I enjoyed watching the girls that chose to parent. So Emotional.
Amazingly, more girls chose to parent than not. I wish them all the best. I think I am still in shock that this has
actually made it to Reality TV. Well, Not really.

Dr. Drew states that the US has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the world.

Catelynn and Tyler are the kids that chose adoption. You can watch some of their story here:

http://www.mtv.com/videos/16-and-pregnant-ep6-catelynn/1615511/playlist.jhtml

Warning: YOU WILL CRY!!!

I don't know. Something has completely changed in me.

I look at Catelynn and Tyler and they were the most stable couple in my eyes. I wish they would have chose to parent. But all in all, they did what they chose to do. A BIG part of me has to wonder though...what kind of pressure they must have felt being on Mtv ...would they have chose to parent if they weren't? SO Sad. :(

 If you fast forward the reunion video to 30:00, you will come in to them reuniting with Baby Carly and Adoptive Mom and Dad. I just cried and cried. Adoptive Mom seems really sweet. And you can tell that Catelynn and Tyler LOVE and Miss their baby. :(
Dr. Drew peeves me a little. He commends Catelynn and Tyler SOO much more than the other girls who chose to parent! It makes me mad! I mean, these kids could have done it! What makes them better then the ones that ARE doing it!!
The saddest part is that these kids i think have a false hope, and i'm not certain of this but they chose a Semi-Open adoption. See, i got one of these too. I never knew or realized what it ever meant...until it was TOO LATE. I have a sinking feeling that these guys do not either.
And when the Adoptive parents were asked what they thought of Catelynn and Tyler ... They NEVER answered! They only talked about their choice- what they did for them. They most likely think they're white trash and can't wait till all the hype is over so they don't have to see them again.
Ugh. I hate when i get all negative.
Dr. Drew gives the other ones, who chose to parent hell, critcizes, patronizes, "busts balls" - but THEY ARE DOING IT! Damn that's screwed up.
But it wouldn't have made the ratings then would it?? Why do we , as a nation, emulate Adoption to the extent that we do?? Why? It is just as much a separation and unnatural process as abortion. You don't see people going around emulating abortion do you?

Yet the pain from the two might as well be one in the same. People talk about how if you dare get an abortion, you will live with the guilt for the rest of your life. You may never heal. It will haunt you.
Well, I feel that way about adoption.

Now guilt is NO reason to keep a baby. I know. But , I just think that, Here is Dr. Drew ON Mtv, he states that we have a teenage pregnancy epidemic. More than any other nation.
Well. What's the solution? Push Adoption? In the year 2060 will there be more unnatural families than not??
Just as the "Nuclear Family" was born , what next...The Adoptive Family??

You say, " Well, Whats wrong with that? " ...IT'S UNNATURAL.

Here's the deal. And i SO feel for Catelynn. Everyone , says: Oh what a Brave thing You did. You are to be commended. You are so great for being so incredibly selfLESS etc etc....

This...and i KNOW it...is NOT the case. I believed it myself b/c people said it to me over and over. I believed it until reality struck and the bones of adoption fell out of the closet. ANYONE can have a baby.
Why do people commend adoption and not abortion? Other than religion?
Adoption IS selfish. We just make ourselves believe its not. These kids wanted to live their life baby free.
Bottom line. But did they??? You can totally see that these kids LOVE this baby they created. They both have a TON of emotion about it. You can tell that noone has talked to them about the guilt, the regret, the pain they will most likely endure b/c they gave their child away, yet it is clear to me that they already feel it.
And here comes two people, now the parents of their child and they couldn't be further from these kids socio economic class...how will this come into play?

Here is what I think.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO CHOOSE AN OPEN ADOPTION, DON'T CHOOSE A FAMILY THAT HAS A SHIT TON OF MONEY THAT WILL INEVITABLY MAKE YOU FEEL MORE INFERIOR THAN YOU ALREADY DO!!!

There. I said it.

How do you expect to bond with someone and have a good relationship with them if you don't eat at the same lunch table ( stupid  metaphor, i know )? You really don't. You're different. And in our society, that's become pretty obviously important. You don't see rich people...even middle class people hanging out with poor people. It's strange. And no amount of pretending it ain't so will make it any different.
{you know i'm frustrated when i say things like *ain't*} jeesh.


My point. Choosing Adoption is BOTH selfish AND self-less, JUST as choosing Abortion is selfish AND self-less, JUST as choosing to parent is both selfish AND self-less.

So why do we revere one over the other? How does this set mothers up for the pain and regret?
Very Well, Thank You.
I wish when everyone gave me my cross, they would have told me that i was going to drag it around behind  me forever.

Please forgive me. I'm just appalled at all the Glam.

Yuck.

THE DEMONIZED MOTHER by Margaret McDonald Lawrence

Promoting Infant Adoption

THE DEMONIZED MOTHER
by Margaret McDonald Lawrence
(From a speech to The First National American Adoption Congress, Washington D.C. May 4, 1979)

No-one could have encapsulated the need of the adoption industry to manufacture the demonization of the natural mother as the most pivotal and necessary requirement in the promotion of, and social acceptance of adoption, as Lawrence when she states how:
In order to bring the issues surrounding the intermediary system into clear focus, it is necessary to examine the myths and motives that surround the adoption experience. Outsiders need to realize that social agencies not only control adoption procedures, but also control the information about the institution which is provided to the courts, the legislature and the public.
It is the child welfare establishment that has provided the picture of [natural] mothers as indifferent - as mothers who abandon their unwanted children with a wish to remain forever hidden from them. They know that this is seldom true, but it helps to facilitate their work for the public to believe this. Society does not dismiss the importance of the natural family as readily as the social planners, and so it is useful to portray [surrendering] parents as different from caring parents.
The [natural] mother must be different, an aberration; for if it were true that she had the same degree of love for her child as all other mothers, the good of adoption would be overwhelmed by the tragedy of it. Adoptive parents are somewhat relieved of guilt if they can be assured that the [natural] parents truly did not want their child; for, under those circumstances, it is possible to feel entitled to claim the child of others. Neither society nor the mother who holds the child in her arms wants to confront the agony of the mother from whose arms that same child was taken. But that agony is real, as we have come to learn through our experience with reunions.

If you REALLY want to learn some Raw Truth about Adoption, Adoption Practices and The Triad Myth , I suggest you take a look here:

HEALING FAMILIES DISMEMBERED BY ADOPTION


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An Amazing Poem by Unknown Author. VERY Comforting.

My communications with M have been brief. I feel so confused and sad. She really doesn't want that much to do with me right now at this point in her life....can i blame her? I always thought that a semi=open adoption was a good thing....creating less confusion...boy was i wrong! How do i go back to living without her? Is it possible?

Okay, here's the poem. This is the last thing I shared with M.

TWO WOMEN
Once there were two women
Who hardly knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call mother
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One becoming your guiding star
The other became your sun
The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live in it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it
One gave you nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim
One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears
The age old questions through the years;
Heredity or environment -
which are you the product of ?
Neither my darling - neither
Just two different kinds of love!