Ten Thousand Words:::

I have been reading a lot of blogs the past few days. Blogs of Mothers, First Mothers, Adoptive Mothers, Adopted Children and Adult Children. I have read a slew of comments, I have seen and felt SO much emotion. I have started to SEE and FEEL how adoption affects people, I have cried and smiled. I have witnessed women just wanting so badly to be heard, but most importantly - to be Understood.
A lot of Words.
I have been saddened by some of these words, especially the words of mothers who have such pain that they try to make those of us who have that pain also but have chosen to heal and love through that pain - they have tried to push us back down with their words. cutting words. Words wrapped in eloquent intellectual and often biased anger and frustration. I get it. The pain is real.
The truth of it is that we, ourselves, are the only ones that can validate and heal our pain. noone else. That our peace and understanding come from within, not from without. We will never find peace attempting to coerce others to see and feel as we do. What we are all seeking through our blogs may differ, depending on our adoption experience. The common thread here is that we want a platform to express ourselves and to be heard.
Some mothers want and need support. Some mothers just want to vent. Some mothers want to share their Joy.
Some Mothers want only to share their Pain. Some Mothers want to advocate for change. Some Mothers want to help other Mothers, and some Don't. Some Mothers want to use Sarcasm and Demeaning Verbiage to tell other Mothers who feel and see things differently, to "take off their Rosy Glasses and get real". Some Mothers want to force Happiness and Peace b/c they know that that is what has pulled them out of the Big Black Hole of Loss.
It's A lot to Swallow. I try to read and be objective to all these truths, but sometimes it's hard.
I know, because of what I have experienced, that Peace can only come from within. We will never "find" peace by reading a blog or by demanding others to feel/think the same way I do. Never.
Peace is here with us. Always. It is the True essence of who and what we are. Grace is the Gift that helps us experience peace, but we must be still and breathe it in to experience that peace. The cost is FEELING our emotion, becoming one with it - whether happy or sad - and then trusting in the Divine Process, Healing is our Reward.
Today I choose Love. I'm done with Pain.

Maya Angelou - I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.