Thursday, September 9, 2010

Mtv's 16 & Pregnant : Reunion Show - Life After labor






My head is still reeling from watching and listening to all these young women. I never watched any of these episodes while they were on TV, just the snippets on the web.
This reunion show is interesting. I enjoyed watching the girls that chose to parent. So Emotional.
Amazingly, more girls chose to parent than not. I wish them all the best. I think I am still in shock that this has
actually made it to Reality TV. Well, Not really.

Dr. Drew states that the US has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the world.

Catelynn and Tyler are the kids that chose adoption. You can watch some of their story here:

http://www.mtv.com/videos/16-and-pregnant-ep6-catelynn/1615511/playlist.jhtml

Warning: YOU WILL CRY!!!

I don't know. Something has completely changed in me.

I look at Catelynn and Tyler and they were the most stable couple in my eyes. I wish they would have chose to parent. But all in all, they did what they chose to do. A BIG part of me has to wonder though...what kind of pressure they must have felt being on Mtv ...would they have chose to parent if they weren't? SO Sad. :(

 If you fast forward the reunion video to 30:00, you will come in to them reuniting with Baby Carly and Adoptive Mom and Dad. I just cried and cried. Adoptive Mom seems really sweet. And you can tell that Catelynn and Tyler LOVE and Miss their baby. :(
Dr. Drew peeves me a little. He commends Catelynn and Tyler SOO much more than the other girls who chose to parent! It makes me mad! I mean, these kids could have done it! What makes them better then the ones that ARE doing it!!
The saddest part is that these kids i think have a false hope, and i'm not certain of this but they chose a Semi-Open adoption. See, i got one of these too. I never knew or realized what it ever meant...until it was TOO LATE. I have a sinking feeling that these guys do not either.
And when the Adoptive parents were asked what they thought of Catelynn and Tyler ... They NEVER answered! They only talked about their choice- what they did for them. They most likely think they're white trash and can't wait till all the hype is over so they don't have to see them again.
Ugh. I hate when i get all negative.
Dr. Drew gives the other ones, who chose to parent hell, critcizes, patronizes, "busts balls" - but THEY ARE DOING IT! Damn that's screwed up.
But it wouldn't have made the ratings then would it?? Why do we , as a nation, emulate Adoption to the extent that we do?? Why? It is just as much a separation and unnatural process as abortion. You don't see people going around emulating abortion do you?

Yet the pain from the two might as well be one in the same. People talk about how if you dare get an abortion, you will live with the guilt for the rest of your life. You may never heal. It will haunt you.
Well, I feel that way about adoption.

Now guilt is NO reason to keep a baby. I know. But , I just think that, Here is Dr. Drew ON Mtv, he states that we have a teenage pregnancy epidemic. More than any other nation.
Well. What's the solution? Push Adoption? In the year 2060 will there be more unnatural families than not??
Just as the "Nuclear Family" was born , what next...The Adoptive Family??

You say, " Well, Whats wrong with that? " ...IT'S UNNATURAL.

Here's the deal. And i SO feel for Catelynn. Everyone , says: Oh what a Brave thing You did. You are to be commended. You are so great for being so incredibly selfLESS etc etc....

This...and i KNOW it...is NOT the case. I believed it myself b/c people said it to me over and over. I believed it until reality struck and the bones of adoption fell out of the closet. ANYONE can have a baby.
Why do people commend adoption and not abortion? Other than religion?
Adoption IS selfish. We just make ourselves believe its not. These kids wanted to live their life baby free.
Bottom line. But did they??? You can totally see that these kids LOVE this baby they created. They both have a TON of emotion about it. You can tell that noone has talked to them about the guilt, the regret, the pain they will most likely endure b/c they gave their child away, yet it is clear to me that they already feel it.
And here comes two people, now the parents of their child and they couldn't be further from these kids socio economic class...how will this come into play?

Here is what I think.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO CHOOSE AN OPEN ADOPTION, DON'T CHOOSE A FAMILY THAT HAS A SHIT TON OF MONEY THAT WILL INEVITABLY MAKE YOU FEEL MORE INFERIOR THAN YOU ALREADY DO!!!

There. I said it.

How do you expect to bond with someone and have a good relationship with them if you don't eat at the same lunch table ( stupid  metaphor, i know )? You really don't. You're different. And in our society, that's become pretty obviously important. You don't see rich people...even middle class people hanging out with poor people. It's strange. And no amount of pretending it ain't so will make it any different.
{you know i'm frustrated when i say things like *ain't*} jeesh.


My point. Choosing Adoption is BOTH selfish AND self-less, JUST as choosing Abortion is selfish AND self-less, JUST as choosing to parent is both selfish AND self-less.

So why do we revere one over the other? How does this set mothers up for the pain and regret?
Very Well, Thank You.
I wish when everyone gave me my cross, they would have told me that i was going to drag it around behind  me forever.

Please forgive me. I'm just appalled at all the Glam.

Yuck.

5 comments:

  1. "I wish when everyone gave me my cross, they would have told me that i was going to drag it around behind me forever."

    What a powerful statement. wow, great post. I agree how Dr. Drew is taking things in a weird direction, you can almost smell it in the air. Want something else to make ya mad? the cover of OK Magazine, which I NEVER have picked up in my life, had a picture of Maci on the front with her child all happy and smiles, yet in the corner there was a picture of the child with his father and he was crying and unhappy. What kind of message is that sending this child in the long run? That everyone was out to make sure his father is not a part of his life? It was a bold statement on the magazines part if you ask me, very biased against fathers.

    That whole show is one big mess, glamorizing teen age pregnancy to a state of people creating life to get on a television show! (I once read a wonderful post about one of cast members who chose to parent and the very first comment after the piece said 'My boyfriend and I are trying to get pregnant to get on this show!' WHAT?!?!?)This post just hit a nail with me, I am so not a big fan of MTV's media hype of life changing pregnancy choices to have a hit show. My oh my, what will be next?

    Been reading all your blog and just love that your voice is back. It's a different voice than I met all those months ago, but I like it! So moving, so raw, so very Moma K! I love to hear you roar, and some roaring you have done...keep it up. I have missed your brilliance for far too long!
    xoxoxoxo
    The other KS

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  2. Oh Kels!! I Love U SOOOO Much!! You know, my writings and thoughts here on this Blog-O-Mine are just that....Writings and Thoughts!! LOL
    Nothing is in Stone. Ever. When the streets are wet...the colors slip into the sky! <3
    I have needed to express the very real and very raw, and i am certain that it will only be for a season. My pendulum is swinging so-to-speak :o}
    The healing has begun! Yay!! XOX
    You have no idea how badly i needed and wanted to hear from you. ( i was kinda worried that u would be dissapointed in me? )
    silly, but true. i'm sooo sensitive for being such a rebellious punk ass LOL
    I had an epiphany while in the shower, talking with God this morning...yep...sho nuff!!
    I will write all about it soon, right now i am trying to keep my eyelids from closing while writing a paper for my Lit. class...of course its due in 7 hours..ugg.
    But seriously...I will never be so hurt and frustrated that i become a negative nellie ...just here hashing out the madness and working through the labyrinth of my life and how it rolls into adoption.
    Lets catch up soon!
    XOXO
    BIG BIG HUGGGGGZZZZZZ:::::::::
    Me. the other KS. ;o}

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  3. I've only just begun to read your blog and I'm moved beyond words. You write what I think and feel...what I'm sure all (at least most) firstmothers think and feel. Writing can be a great healer to both the writer and the reader. thank you...please keep posting!

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  4. Thanks Demeter :~}

    Its been awhile ...lots o life happening all around me....but i will write again SOON! It is DUE Time my friend!

    XOX
    ~ Mama K.

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  5. LOVE LOVE LOVE this part: "How do you expect to bond with someone and have a good relationship with them if you don't eat at the same lunch table ( stupid metaphor, i know )? You really don't. You're different. And in our society, that's become pretty obviously important. You don't see rich people...even middle class people hanging out with poor people. It's strange. And no amount of pretending it ain't so will make it any different." Touche...

    Oddly enough when I picked my family I wanted someone who I couldn't be. I figured if they were too much like me then what was the point in placing for adoption? I picked people who were the very opposite of who I was because I figured I messed up and didn't want my child to follow in my footsteps; and the only way to prevent that from happening was to go in the complete and opposite direction...Talk about your ultimate backfires...

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Mama K.